THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
in-depth discussions because so many of the staff went there and people from the church that knew us. So we did what any man would do—we went to McDon- ald’s for ice cream cones and fries in the afternoons.
We progressed through the eight stages of relationship, and trust became easy for us. Our wives often joked that we had a “bromance,” but they knew that we had developed a healthy friendship where we were vulnerable with one another. We could shoot straight with each other, be accountable to each other, share our real thoughts without fear of judgment or gossip to others, and support each other through what came to be pivotal moments in our lives.
We still catch up every couple of months, as we have moved to separate parts of the country. I know that Gavin is praying for me, and when we do talk, it is like time has not passed. I believe that our vulnerability was the key to growing our relationship, solidifying it for life.
In addition to the art of vulnerability, there are other critical lessons I learned about relationships because of this friendship with Gavin. These lessons have shaped the way I see myself, how I do ministry, and how to cultivate a one-of-a-kind friendship.
1. Be yourself.
During my time in the ministry where Gavin and I worked, I had begun the process of genuinely overcoming insecurity. Gavin became one of the great encouragers in my life. Our mutual respect for each other was a catalyst for me to honestly be myself and to become more confident in sharing my thoughts and opinions without anxiety for how others will view me.
His desire and respect for my opinion were incredibly encouraging to me personally. I took that very seriously. On the flip side, I desired and respected his opinion as well. This created a mutual trust and understanding. When we talked, we didn’t need to repeat phrases like, “please keep this between us,” or “if someone found out about what I am sharing.” My thoughts, as raw as they were, could all be on the table. Our discussions were a no-judgment zone. We could truly be ourselves, vent, share our concerns, our histories, and even our fears.
As a result, I decided to be myself in meetings, in the office, and with others where I may have struggled with other personalities. Accepting the fact that I could not and would never please everyone, I began to share my thoughts and opinions during executive team meetings, making decisions quicker (and accepting when I made a mistake), and working toward not over-analyzing how someone may have responded to me.